Welcome to the December edition of the Childhood Trauma Newsletter!
As a trauma therapist, I’ve noticed how challenging transitions can be for children, particularly when it comes to returning to school after summer, fall, or winter breaks. And, as a pandemic mom, I’ve realized that even more children are reluctant about heading back to the classroom. That first week after a break is usually a mess for parents of young children.
Recent data also indicates a significant rise in school refusal and absenteeism among children and adolescents. Prior to the pandemic, school refusal affected approximately 1–5% of school-aged children. However, post-pandemic figures reveal a sharp increase in these behaviors.
For instance, during the 2021–2022 school year, 22% of students were at high risk of school avoidance, and 43% were at extreme risk. Additionally, a 2023 survey found that over one-third of parents reported their children experiencing school refusal in the past year.
These trends highlight the growing challenge of school refusal, underscoring the need for effective, trauma-informed interventions to support affected students.
Six Trauma-Informed Steps to Ease Children Back to School After Winter Break
Winter break is approaching fast, and for children with a history of trauma, the break can be a welcome reprieve from school anxiety. The cozy family time and freedom from daily routines might starkly contrast with the pressured and overstimulating environment of attending school.
When children feel anxiety about separating from caregivers or feeling overwhelmed in the classroom it can lead to what many adults call “school refusal.”
But is it fair to the child to label this behavior “school refusal?” What if we reframed this behavior as “school anxiety” (a natural response) and addressed it with empathy and practical tools?
In this newsletter, we’ll explore trauma-informed strategies and exposure techniques to gently help children rebuild their confidence and joy in attending school.
Understanding School Refusal Through a Trauma Lens
Imagine being a 7-year-old with a history of relational or systemic trauma. Every school day is filled with sensory overload, social pressure, and anxiety about leaving the safety of your caregiver. The feelings are so overwhelming that you feel nauseous, yet your coping strategies, like rocking in your chair to self-soothe, are misunderstood as disruptive behavior. You’re told to “sit still or go to the principal’s office,” by your (understandably) frustrated teacher.
When winter break comes, staying home allows you to relax, find comfort, and feel in control again. Not only that, but you also are surrounded by new toys, yummy food, and extra screen time (no shade intended). Subsequently, your nausea disappears because you are able to freely move your body and use your coping strategies. Would you want to go back to school?
People with trauma are often stuck in a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. For some, resistance to school reflects their fight for safety and autonomy. Others may dissociate (freeze) and appear to “submit,” which can be a sign of deep distress. Recognizing school refusal as a stress response, not defiance, is key to helping children heal.
(Note: If you are concerned your child is dissociating, it is recommended that you seek professional mental health care).
Exposure Techniques for School Anxiety
Seeing a child in emotional and physical distress is gut-wrenching. As a result, caregivers often overprotect and allow children to avoid school altogether. In the moment, it feels like the right choice (I’m guilty, too). However, avoidance of age-appropriate stress can lead to more anxiety, not less. Finding a balance is critical.
Exposure techniques are therapeutic interventions that can reduce anxiety in children and adults. Exposure techniques involve gradually helping children face their fears in a safe and supportive way.
Instead of avoiding what feels overwhelming, we help children take small, manageable steps toward their fears. These steps, tailored to each child’s needs, allow them to rebuild trust, confidence, and a sense of safety over time.
Trauma-informed practices and exposure techniques will emphasize collaboration, empathy, and patience, giving children the space to succeed at their own pace.
Exposure techniques are typically guided by the support of a mental health professional. But there are some easy steps we can experiment with at home if therapy isn’t an option.
1. Start with Empathy and Understanding
Begin by validating the child’s feelings. Ask these questions and write a list together:
• “What feels hard about going to school right now?”
• “What would make school feel safer for you?”
Listening without judgment builds trust and opens the door to problem-solving together.
2. Create a Ladder of Small Steps
Using the ” ladder technique,” break the goal of attending school into smaller, achievable steps. The steps of the ladder and participation must be agreed upon by the child. Never force or surprise a child into a situation they are fearful of. Make sure you inform them of the plan.
Example ladder:
- With consent, guide the child through a visualization of their return to school.
- During the break, intentionally drive past the school together.
- The day before school returns take the route to school and sit in the parking lot.
- Walk to the entrance of the school after hours.
- If possible, allow the child to go back for 1/2 day instead of a full day.
Involve the child in designing the steps to give them a sense of control. Self-efficacy is a crucial element of healing from trauma.
3. Pair Exposure with Comfort
Help the child associate positive experiences with school-related activities:
• Let them bring a comfort item, like a small toy or favorite snack.
• Play calming music during the car ride to school.
• Reward even small progress with a preferred activity, like quality time together.
Reframe school as a place that can feel safe and enjoyable.
4. Use Visual Tools
Visual aids can make progress more tangible and motivating for children. For example:
• Ladder charts: Mark completed steps with stickers or stars.
• Feelings charts: Help them reflect on emotions before and after exposure.
• Calendars: Highlight upcoming milestones with incentives for trying.
5. Build a Strong Support Network
Work closely with teachers, counselors, and trauma-informed professionals to create a personalized safety plan.
Consider:
• Allowing breaks during the school day.
• Establishing a quiet “safe space” at school.
• Assigning a trusted adult the child can turn to when feeling overwhelmed.
Consistency between home and school environments reinforces security.
6. Expect Setbacks and Celebrate Progress
Progress isn’t always linear, and setbacks are normal! I know it can be devastating to see a child regress, but focus on what is going right and celebrate the “glimmers” of progress you see.
For example, if the child waves at the school from the car but refuses to go inside, praise their effort: “You made it so close today—that’s a big step forward!”
Focus on building confidence and resilience at their pace.
What Not to Do
• Overprotect the child and allow them to avoid the stressor completely (except for extreme situations)
• Punish or shame: These reactions undermine trust and increase anxiety.
• Compare to others: Every child’s journey is unique.
• Ignore the problem: Avoidance may provide short-term relief but can lead to bigger challenges later.
Final Thoughts
Since the COVID-19 pandemic, school anxiety has become more common, making trauma-informed solutions more critical than ever.
Helping children transition back to school after winter break can be empowering with a patient and compassionate approach. Using exposure techniques tailored to each child’s needs, you can help them rebuild trust, confidence, and joy in learning.
Remember: every small step is a victory, and what may seem minor to an adult is often monumental to a child.
If you’d like to learn more about trauma-informed caregiving, contact me for workshops, training, and speaking events.
* This guidance is for educational purposes only, and every child is different. Please seek the support of a licensed mental health professional if your child is in significant distress about attending school. It could be a learning disability, bullying, or other stressors besides trauma.
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You’re Invited to Our Upcoming Webinar!
Time is running out – We only have 5 more EARLY BIRD tickets left!
When? Tuesday, January 28th from 11- 1 pm EST
Where? Zoom
Join us for a powerful 2-hour webinar that addresses a critical gap in the child welfare system. As a CASA volunteer for over five years, I saw firsthand how the court system, designed to protect and deliver justice, often unintentionally exposes children to additional trauma. Judges, attorneys, GALs, and other professionals striving to help can sometimes miss the mark without trauma-informed practices.
Together with Becky Haas, we’ll explore how to transform these systems to truly support and protect children. Don’t miss this opportunity to be part of the solution!
Attendees will also gain an understanding of how early traumatic experiences can disrupt brain development, influencing behaviors that often lead to justice system involvement.
This workshop will review the bio/psycho/social impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and explore the transformative potential of trauma-informed responses to improve outcomes for affected individuals.
Seats are limited and are filling up already! Register HERE.
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BIG News: My New Book Deal!
I am beyond thrilled to announce that yesterday, I signed a book deal with Jessica Kingsley Publishing to write Trigger-Free Parenting: Trauma-Informed Strategies to Help You Avoid Meltdowns, Calm Conflict, and Find Joy (the title is subject to change). When the book is finished, I’ll be joining the incredible line-up of authors above (and many more), and I can hardly believe it!
As an unknown self-published author in 2019, this is a huge accomplishment for me! My career as a childhood trauma consultant, educator, and advocate has exploded over the last five years, and I feel proud for following my intuition and shutting down my fears.
If you are reading this it might be your turn to take a big risk! My words of advice are Go. For. It.
Writing this book will be a deeply personal and professional endeavor to empower parents and caregivers who are carrying their own trauma history into parenting.
Trigger-Free Parenting will provide actionable tools and compassionate guidance to help families break free from generational patterns, build stronger connections, and create environments where parents and children can thrive emotionally.
This book is for anyone who has ever asked, “How can I parent in a way that doesn’t pass down trauma to my child?”
I’ll share insights from my years of experience, lived knowledge, and the latest research on trauma-informed care—all in a way that feels accessible, relatable, and supportive.
When I started Beth Tyson Trauma Consulting, my goal was to open the theoretical doors to the therapy office and spread trauma-informed practices to those who couldn’t access therapy. This book takes me one more step closer to reaching this goal!
Thank you to everyone who has supported my author journey and encouraged me to share my work in a bigger way. Especially my Dad and Step-Mom who noticed my interest in writing when I was a wee little one!
Stay tuned for updates, sneak peeks, and pre-order details!
Together, we can raise a generation of resilient, compassionate children—and it starts with us.
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Purchase this Webinar to Squash Anxiety in Children Fast!
Anxiety is running very high for so many of us and the children we serve. Watching a child suffer from anxiety is so painful, and as a mom, I know what it’s like. This is why we created this virtual workshop, Logic and Sass: Taming Childhood Anxiety with the Worry Ball Game.
In this on-demand webinar, you will learn how to teach your children the art of using logic and sassiness to tackle those frightening, irrational thoughts.
The Worry Ball game is not just a fun game; it’s a powerful tool that empowers parents and children alike to confront fears head-on in a lighthearted and entertaining manner.
I’ve seen this strategy work again and again for children with scary intrusive thoughts and bedtime worries. I want the children you love to learn how to play so they can conquer their anxiety and live life to the fullest!
This video is for adults, but the Worry Ball Game I teach is appropriate for children ages 5 to 10.
Money-back guarantee! If you’re dissatisfied with your purchase for any reason, contact me for a refund.
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In Closing…
I wish all of you a slow, steady, and peaceful holiday season and a hopeful 2025. I have to remind myself DAILY that this world moves at a fast pace, but our children don’t.
This edition of the newsletter is shorter than usual because I took time this month to chill and spend time with my family.
How did this edition land with you? Let me know in the comments if you learned something new or have questions. Connecting with you helps me stay motivated to write and fills my tea cup!
Personal fact: I make a cup of tea as my morning ritual almost every day. My mom, who is no longer alive, also did this each morning. It helps me feel comforted and ready to take on the day. I rarely finish drinking it, but I love the process and the reminder of my mom. What are your daily rituals? Let me know in the comments.
If you are reading this newsletter and want to receive it in your inbox each month, please subscribe at BethTyson.com. I also have a free, private Facebook group on trauma-informed care called Emotiminds. Please check us out!
As always, I am grateful for your readership and hope this helped someone today.
With compassion,
Beth
